An Open Letter to Modern Warfare 3

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Dear Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3,

While I realize that 6.5 million copies of you were sold the first day you came out and made $400 million dollars in 24 hours… we need to talk.

I’ve dealt with your type before. The first-person shooter, multiplayer game that takes you through missions that you can co-op or go against your buddies. Listen, I would like to have my Husband back. I’m not saying you two can’t hang out… I think it’s fine to occasionally drop an air strike and rack up your killstreak on your friends. Can we maybe just spread the 5 hours you two spend together in one evening out to other evenings and days? Or maybe instead of taking up all the band width, you can be a productive or educational game?

It’s a sad state of affairs when I can tell by the tone in the Hubb’s voice when you two are together. I sigh… and tell him to call me back later or I’ll see him when he pretends to have logged off before I pull into the driveway when I get home.

Our dog has finally gotten used to the machine gun sounds that you make, so he just sits at his feet… waiting for the war to be won.

I completely understand that the “Your Mom,”“That’s What She Said” and other jokes are hilarious. I do them all the time (Yup… That’s What I Said.). However, hearing the echoes of a grown man giggling maniacally like a 14-year-old kid while screaming “Yea, you’ll take it and you’ll like it” while attempting to make dinner are not necessarily the most “homey” things to hear.

I want him back. You Russian dick.

XOXO,

Lauren

*NOTE: this post is all in jest. I adore my husband and find it hilarious that he gets into these kinds of games with his friends. Their wives will attest that it’s been an interesting few days since the game came out on November 8th. Who on Earth am I to actually judge what he finds entertaining? I watch The Real Housewives of New Jersey like it’s my second job.

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